It's that time of year! Can't you see all the ribbons, glitter and colorful packages that poor from under the tree...but not so much at my home as a child.
I was thinking today I don't remember making big wish lists for Christmas as a child, nor even in recent years. I grew up happy and with plenty. Never in need or deprived. However, in some people's eyes they may say I had a small Christmas, due to the lack of multiple and large gifts. We weren't the Johnsons, we lived on the common pay check to pay check family budget. One decent car and when fortunate enough to have a second car, it usually required a laying on of hands each morning before hitting the road. We shopped for only what we needed that week, it was completely enough. And until my sister and I were older, my mom stayed home with us rather than bringing in a second income.
My mom's goal was to give us one realistic main gift that our little hearts had been hoping for that year and then a few little things. I say realistic to emphasize that she'd get us a gift that was useful or we'd actually play with for longer than a week and of course one that we could afford...so it may not have been name brand or the hottest color but it accomplished its purpose no doubt! And happy we were!
And guess what hungry America? I'm now 29 years old and have never felt deprived or sad because of what some would say I lacked materially. I may have lacked in the mountainous amounts of gifts that others received. But I never lacked in joy, I have happy memories of the holidays!
...................................................................................................................
A group of girls and I are reading through Colossians together and today we were in chapter three. The message reads like this: "...killing off everything connected with the way of death...doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy!"
My 'little fancy' may never have fully been satisfied as an endless dreaming little girl. But more importantly I have memories of contentedness. I believe that foundation of "small is plenty" has grown me into a woman who finds herself content with little. Content with simple. Yes, I still have my needs and favorite things like Starbucks and scarves....but I feel confident that there's not much I can't live without or that I can't wait for.
Then built upon the foundation I received from home is my awareness and knowledge of those who severely lack, those in poverty. I've seen it with my eyes. Smelt it with my nose. Touched it with my hands. And heard of much, much more with my ears from those who have gone into streets and countries where I have yet to step.
So many may say I lack...but if we would really, really open our eyes then we'd see that I overflowed in abundance as a child. Gosh the American eye...stomach...desires...and more. It's just ridiculous...and even more ridiculous is how we get caught up in it. Yes, I said we...I have my moments, honest.
So are you caught up in the shopping frenzy? Did I get enough? Did you just swipe your 5th credit card so you could get your child their 17th gift on the list of 34 this year? Did you get up with the moon on black Friday to fight in line for the big deal...that maybe you really didn't need?
I pray I continue to seek and never lose sight of contentedness in the small and simple. my loved ones and friends will continue to challenge and encourage me so.
A small Christmas I'll hold in my hands but more important is the large Christmas I hold in my heart! Thank you Jesus for the largest and greatest gift I'll ever receive...Your LOVE!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
He Can!
Gosh I remember struggling for weeks...it was Old Testament 101 with Dr. Lee, my first semester in college. We were in the book of Exodus. Of course if you are familiar with Exodus you think of Moses and Pharaoh. Moses' story is always one that encourages and tells you to go and fight...nothing is too big with God on your side.
However, what I struggled with was Pharaoh. Why did God harden Pharaoh's heart? I was just stumped with it...for weeks. I could hardly get anything else out of the class for the next few weeks. I remember asking and discussing the issue with friends. Why would God intentionally harden someone's heart? No one gave me an answer that satisfied me at the time. I basically agreed with myself and spirit to drop it after a few weeks, to let it go. Trust in our God...I mean obviously now thousands of years later I see it all worked out. He had a plan and purpose...and it was accomplished and He received the glory and His people were saved!
I thought of this struggle just the other day and God spoke to me a whole new lesson...
If He can harden such a powerful man's heart and it affect thousands of people...then where is my faith that He can do just the opposite? That He can soften the heart of the lost people in my life. Their hearts may have been harden for years along with being shattered and broken...but He can soften them. Doubt in them...no its more like an honest doubt that little me can do nothing to soften their heart. I'm not the Creator, All powerful, All knowing, Love, Master, Ultimate sacrifice...I'm just His daughter. He can soften!
Lord, I give these precious hearts to you. I want so much more for them! I want to see them captivated and overwhelmed with You! You alone can rescue! You alone can soften the nastiest callous heart!
Believing.............
However, what I struggled with was Pharaoh. Why did God harden Pharaoh's heart? I was just stumped with it...for weeks. I could hardly get anything else out of the class for the next few weeks. I remember asking and discussing the issue with friends. Why would God intentionally harden someone's heart? No one gave me an answer that satisfied me at the time. I basically agreed with myself and spirit to drop it after a few weeks, to let it go. Trust in our God...I mean obviously now thousands of years later I see it all worked out. He had a plan and purpose...and it was accomplished and He received the glory and His people were saved!
I thought of this struggle just the other day and God spoke to me a whole new lesson...
If He can harden such a powerful man's heart and it affect thousands of people...then where is my faith that He can do just the opposite? That He can soften the heart of the lost people in my life. Their hearts may have been harden for years along with being shattered and broken...but He can soften them. Doubt in them...no its more like an honest doubt that little me can do nothing to soften their heart. I'm not the Creator, All powerful, All knowing, Love, Master, Ultimate sacrifice...I'm just His daughter. He can soften!
Lord, I give these precious hearts to you. I want so much more for them! I want to see them captivated and overwhelmed with You! You alone can rescue! You alone can soften the nastiest callous heart!
Believing.............
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sneek Peek...
What a fun senior photo shoot with the beautiful Megan!!! We had a blast from climbing a bridge, rolling in the dirt, sneaking around caution tape and more! Here is a sneek peek at the hundreds of amazing shots she took! Which one is your favorite and why?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Burning Ache
April 2012...
I will board a plane to the country of Guatemala to love, serve, and learn from the beautiful people of Buena Vista. I simply cannot explain my excitement to go. Our church, particularly our student ministry, has been involved with serving a community in Guatemala for over two years now. Much to my disappointment, this will be my first trip over there. However, God has a route for all of us and this is my time to go.
The ministry there consist of a few branches: 1) building homes for the poor, 2) loving on the people through physical means such as a simple hug, a basket of food, or purchasing a horse for a family's business and 3) a brand new boys sports academy where the purpose is to teach boys what it is to be a godly and educated man, so that the long battle of poverty both physically and spiritually may be defeated in this upcoming generation! Praise God!
I want more. More in the depths of my spirit. I'm stuck in a rut. A rut of American routine. More specifically beyond the typical do good American Christian routine. I feel like a hamster.... peddling my way through the boring 8-5 weekly routine begging for just one more extra hour to both find time away to be still and undistracted with Him and also to go, go serve and love.
Frustrated. I'm frustrated with wanting to get out and find, do, go and be more. Its like the routine is a monster that gobbles you down and you cannot seem to find your grip to climb out of his rotten, slimy gut.
Oh how I eagerly await April 2012. Yet, I have this awkward patience...(I say awkward because I'm not very patient and also I have such a deep desire to go)....awkward patience at the moment as 5 months span between now and then. Because not only am I eagerly aware and expecting that God is and will do great things there...I feel and know He will and has to do some things in me before. What that may be I don't know. Simply growing my heart for this people and spending time with Him about these people may be it, or it may be much more. Only He knows.
I'm reading a book entitled "Kisses from Katie". Its a beautiful story told of a young lady all of 22 years of age who left home at the age of 18 for Uganda. She now calls Uganda home where she is raising her 14 adopted children and running a large full time nonprofit ministry that reaches hundreds of children!
A running theme in her book is an ache. An ache to love and serve those less fortunate. And ache to love her 14 girls. And ache for the people and their well being. An ache to humbly do as her God has called her. She has such a discontent with her former American life and ways of abundance. She has such a bold and eager faith, its truly encouraging and only intensifies the ache in my own heart for more.
I do know that this ache of more, is more of God and His plan. Details. Oh yes, those who know me all know that I like details. However, I don't know what the details of this more includes or where obtaining this more may lead me....but its not here in my little room or even at my favorite little table at Starbucks....hence my current daily patterns.
And why do I mention Guatemala amidst me wanting more, no I'm not saying I'm going to go on a mission trip and never come home...well unless that's where He leads me. (Calm down Mom, just saying I'll go where He leads :)). First, its been a burning desire to go there and serve for two years now...I can't wait to meet so many people I already know by name from stories, pictures and videos shared by friends who have already gone! Second, I am fully aware of the joy and blessings one receives when serving our God outside of our daily routines and I'm busting at the seams to get out! Third, its my only clear detail/vision of escaping this daily routine I'm in and I can't get it off my mind or heart! So lets go!
So this blog may seem a bit jumbled and incomplete...that's just where I am now amidst my burdens, heart and burning ache.
And very soon I will blog more about my upcoming trip to Guatemala as I desire your prayers greatly and if you feel led your support financially as I seek to raise the funds require to go.
to be continued...
http://www.bvboys.com/
http://www.deepstreamguatemala.com/
I cannot wait to meet the famlies and children of Buena Vista, Guatemala!
I will board a plane to the country of Guatemala to love, serve, and learn from the beautiful people of Buena Vista. I simply cannot explain my excitement to go. Our church, particularly our student ministry, has been involved with serving a community in Guatemala for over two years now. Much to my disappointment, this will be my first trip over there. However, God has a route for all of us and this is my time to go.
The ministry there consist of a few branches: 1) building homes for the poor, 2) loving on the people through physical means such as a simple hug, a basket of food, or purchasing a horse for a family's business and 3) a brand new boys sports academy where the purpose is to teach boys what it is to be a godly and educated man, so that the long battle of poverty both physically and spiritually may be defeated in this upcoming generation! Praise God!
I want more. More in the depths of my spirit. I'm stuck in a rut. A rut of American routine. More specifically beyond the typical do good American Christian routine. I feel like a hamster.... peddling my way through the boring 8-5 weekly routine begging for just one more extra hour to both find time away to be still and undistracted with Him and also to go, go serve and love.
Frustrated. I'm frustrated with wanting to get out and find, do, go and be more. Its like the routine is a monster that gobbles you down and you cannot seem to find your grip to climb out of his rotten, slimy gut.
Oh how I eagerly await April 2012. Yet, I have this awkward patience...(I say awkward because I'm not very patient and also I have such a deep desire to go)....awkward patience at the moment as 5 months span between now and then. Because not only am I eagerly aware and expecting that God is and will do great things there...I feel and know He will and has to do some things in me before. What that may be I don't know. Simply growing my heart for this people and spending time with Him about these people may be it, or it may be much more. Only He knows.
I'm reading a book entitled "Kisses from Katie". Its a beautiful story told of a young lady all of 22 years of age who left home at the age of 18 for Uganda. She now calls Uganda home where she is raising her 14 adopted children and running a large full time nonprofit ministry that reaches hundreds of children!
A running theme in her book is an ache. An ache to love and serve those less fortunate. And ache to love her 14 girls. And ache for the people and their well being. An ache to humbly do as her God has called her. She has such a discontent with her former American life and ways of abundance. She has such a bold and eager faith, its truly encouraging and only intensifies the ache in my own heart for more.
I do know that this ache of more, is more of God and His plan. Details. Oh yes, those who know me all know that I like details. However, I don't know what the details of this more includes or where obtaining this more may lead me....but its not here in my little room or even at my favorite little table at Starbucks....hence my current daily patterns.
And why do I mention Guatemala amidst me wanting more, no I'm not saying I'm going to go on a mission trip and never come home...well unless that's where He leads me. (Calm down Mom, just saying I'll go where He leads :)). First, its been a burning desire to go there and serve for two years now...I can't wait to meet so many people I already know by name from stories, pictures and videos shared by friends who have already gone! Second, I am fully aware of the joy and blessings one receives when serving our God outside of our daily routines and I'm busting at the seams to get out! Third, its my only clear detail/vision of escaping this daily routine I'm in and I can't get it off my mind or heart! So lets go!
So this blog may seem a bit jumbled and incomplete...that's just where I am now amidst my burdens, heart and burning ache.
And very soon I will blog more about my upcoming trip to Guatemala as I desire your prayers greatly and if you feel led your support financially as I seek to raise the funds require to go.
to be continued...
http://www.bvboys.com/
http://www.deepstreamguatemala.com/
I cannot wait to meet the famlies and children of Buena Vista, Guatemala!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Love is...
This is something I wrote over a year ago...
Love is not a fairy tale, for fairy tales are far to simple and pretty. Oh yes I want the fairy tale, its a desire of my small beating heart. But as I grow and stumble my way through life I'm learning with every step...and fall, that love is much more complicated than a simple little fairy tale.
Love is deep. Love is messy. Love is blinding. Love is beautiful. Love is hurt. Love is grace. Love is tears. Love is easy. Love is difficult. Love is not one, two or even three dimensional, its much more than that.
Love is love. There isn't a single word to define love.
Have I loved? Oh yes, I've loved. I've felt, given, seen, received, and been stripped of love. I've experienced love. How? The list could go on forever and I know there will be more love to come on my journey. But a peak into the window of my heart and the love I've experienced...
A mother's love. This love is a multi dimensional love. Its patient, unconditional, sacrificial, supportive, and more. All of this I've received from the heart, hands, and words of my mother. Most recently I've seen this love reflected in my sister and the love for her children. To have watched her grow, learn, fight, laugh and fall through the years and now shine like a start as a mother. I've experienced love by watching her with her precious children.
A friend's love. This love stretches time and distance for those few special people that are given to us for more than a season, but for a lifetime. This love is felt over the phone, even after not speaking or seeing one another for months at a time, yet it feels just like yesterday. A supportive and encouraging love through both laughter and tears.
An intimate love. I walked in those doors for a time. It was adventurous, uplifting, butterflies in my tummy and moments that were literally breath taking. A feeling where all you want to do is give and serve that person with all you have. However, sometimes those feelings aren't matched and as the songwriter puts it "your heart feels like paper, a Valentine that's been torn in to pieces." I've heard it said you can fall in love with the wrong person, so I made that mistake. However, I walked away knowing I loved deep and wholly, beyond what I imagined could exist. Now I find myself healing, learning and growing so I can be all I am now and more for the day I can love again.
An unmatchable love. There is a love that has never, ever failed me. The love of my Abba, my God. I can't even begin to grasp His furious love. The deep and powerful love of a mother, friend and lover are just fractions of glimmers of His unimaginable love. His love is what keeps you breathing, what gives you the strength and soul to love...He is love. Love doesn't exist without Him. Feeling, which is only part of love, doesn't exist without Him. How? How can one live this life without opening their heart up to His love. I couldn't.
LOVE...
Love is not a fairy tale, for fairy tales are far to simple and pretty. Oh yes I want the fairy tale, its a desire of my small beating heart. But as I grow and stumble my way through life I'm learning with every step...and fall, that love is much more complicated than a simple little fairy tale.
Love is deep. Love is messy. Love is blinding. Love is beautiful. Love is hurt. Love is grace. Love is tears. Love is easy. Love is difficult. Love is not one, two or even three dimensional, its much more than that.
Love is love. There isn't a single word to define love.
Have I loved? Oh yes, I've loved. I've felt, given, seen, received, and been stripped of love. I've experienced love. How? The list could go on forever and I know there will be more love to come on my journey. But a peak into the window of my heart and the love I've experienced...
A mother's love. This love is a multi dimensional love. Its patient, unconditional, sacrificial, supportive, and more. All of this I've received from the heart, hands, and words of my mother. Most recently I've seen this love reflected in my sister and the love for her children. To have watched her grow, learn, fight, laugh and fall through the years and now shine like a start as a mother. I've experienced love by watching her with her precious children.
A friend's love. This love stretches time and distance for those few special people that are given to us for more than a season, but for a lifetime. This love is felt over the phone, even after not speaking or seeing one another for months at a time, yet it feels just like yesterday. A supportive and encouraging love through both laughter and tears.
An intimate love. I walked in those doors for a time. It was adventurous, uplifting, butterflies in my tummy and moments that were literally breath taking. A feeling where all you want to do is give and serve that person with all you have. However, sometimes those feelings aren't matched and as the songwriter puts it "your heart feels like paper, a Valentine that's been torn in to pieces." I've heard it said you can fall in love with the wrong person, so I made that mistake. However, I walked away knowing I loved deep and wholly, beyond what I imagined could exist. Now I find myself healing, learning and growing so I can be all I am now and more for the day I can love again.
An unmatchable love. There is a love that has never, ever failed me. The love of my Abba, my God. I can't even begin to grasp His furious love. The deep and powerful love of a mother, friend and lover are just fractions of glimmers of His unimaginable love. His love is what keeps you breathing, what gives you the strength and soul to love...He is love. Love doesn't exist without Him. Feeling, which is only part of love, doesn't exist without Him. How? How can one live this life without opening their heart up to His love. I couldn't.
LOVE...
Monday, August 29, 2011
Worthless Fighting
Fighting on our own is
exhausting...
depressing...
endless...
painful...
exhausting...
depressing...
endless...
painful...
worthless...
We can only look to Him in our battle! I hate fighting on my own, but all to often from big to small battles we think we can just step up to the ring all alone...of the relief, peace, joy, comfort and more when we Look to Him instead of worthlessly fighting on our own.
Here is an awesome line in the bridge of this song:
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you to shine on me!!!!
I've never heard this song sung better nor with such heart! And her testimony is beautiful. Listen to Selah's version of this song below:
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Altar
Repeat.
I've had this song on repeat for over a week now. It's simply pure and beautiful. It's inviting and healing. And as I sing it over and over I can't help but sing this with some people in mind that I beg would release their pain and frustration and come rest and cry at the altar.
"The Altar" lyrics...
There is a place, a place I've found
Not made of earth, not made of stone
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presense of a Holy God
Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look in the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
There's a place, a place of healing
There is no shame within your scars
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Come to this place, Come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look in the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
I've had this song on repeat for over a week now. It's simply pure and beautiful. It's inviting and healing. And as I sing it over and over I can't help but sing this with some people in mind that I beg would release their pain and frustration and come rest and cry at the altar.
"The Altar" lyrics...
There is a place, a place I've found
Not made of earth, not made of stone
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presense of a Holy God
Come to this place, come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look in the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
There's a place, a place of healing
There is no shame within your scars
This place is sacred, this place is secret
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Here in the presence of a Holy God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Come to this place, Come seek His face
Find the hands of forgiveness
Look in the eyes of grace
Run to redemption with tears of joy and pain
Let fire fall and purify our hearts
Come to the altar, come to His arms
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTPPI_-GvfY
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